Why can love be so confusing? Well, for one thing, we tend to give love to our partner as we would wish to receive it. If, for example, you love to have chores done for you without being asked, then you may do that for your partner as well. But if your partner feels loved the most when you give praise and compliments, you aren’t meeting your partner’s love needs by doing the chores and this can leave you feeling unappreciated and resentful! How dare your partner not appreciate all that you do for them – right?
Who would’ve thought that expressing your love could be so complicated. And yet it all becomes clear when you know how your partner loves to be loved. I found one of the most useful exercises to do as a couple, was to pinpoint what each other’s love languages are – you can click on ‘Features’ and ‘Resources’ then scroll down to Gary Chapman’s ‘Love Languages’ book if interested in identifying your love languages. The link will take you straight to his book as there are several different versions.
Knowing my husband’s main love languages really cleared up confusion – he enjoys Touch and Special Time. I am not really into ‘touch’ so have to make a conscious effort to provide that – holding hands when we walk, a hand resting on his leg when we sit together, a back massage – although I draw the line at a foot massage! In other words, being aware of how your partner loves to be loved means that you can adapt your behaviour a little bit to show your partner you understand their needs.
So find out how your partner loves to be loved and maybe love will be less confusing!